Answer Me THIS!!

Answer me this:

I want to know: How does Martha Stewart do it????

I have been perusing her website for the last hour, trying to wind down enough to go to sleep. But instead of getting sleepy, I am more excited than ever!! Why? Well, why not, I ask you? I mean, go take a look-see for yourself: all those projects - SO little time! I am envious of her creative ideas and skill. I am even more envious of her ability to get those things done and, of course, they are PURRRRfect once they're completed.

How, I ask you again, does one think of recipes (using the most expensive sh** that can never be found unless you live in a big city with a variety of food/cooking shops), tend a perfect garden, do all these crafts projects, run 2 or 3 print magazines PLUS oversee the online aspect of those magazines, cater to retail giants (KM and WM) and form THOSE alliances, appear on a daily television show where she must smile perfectly (or is that SMUGLY)...AND run a personal household, do her laundry, balance her checkbook, blah blah blah blah?

Going onto her website just got me depressed!! Well, depressed AND excited!! Because, while I am inspired by her wicked-good crafting/homekeepin g abilities, I am slightly saddened because, honestly, how can women keep up with her? Now my OCD has kicked in BIGTIME and I want to do a few of those projects on her website but, alas, my cup already runneth over with things To Do, so I am left longingly vying for that monochromatic, streamlined and elegant way of life right now, at 2:00 AM, more than EVER, I think, because I gotta baby on the way and have this twisted, strange notion that EVERYTHING MUST BE PERFECT before she can get here and come home already!! Shoot, none of our furniture even matches!! LOL. And, it is QUITE LIKELY that the baby's room will be the nicest one in the house!!! Sad but true!!!!! LOL.

Seriously, I know this woman's rich and has a staff of hundreds behind the scenes running all the branches of her business, but good golly! I have to wonder, is she truly happy? After all, just because things LOOK perfect does not necessarily mean things ARE perfect, right? Gosh!!

Now I really don't know if I can sleep!!! We have an OB appointment tomorrow and I am NOT looking forward to THAT. He's supposed to be doing a group B strep "swab" but quite frankly I am SICK of being looked at, examined, speculumed, pricked with needles, weighed. Sick of peeing in cups every month (and now every week!!), sick of being cuffed for blood pressure, and REAL SICK of him pushing all over my belly like it's a bowl of bread dough. The best part of the whole visit each time is getting to hear Molly's heart beat. That is the best and it always makes me smile.

Of course, so does the big fat Lot-A-Burger I'm going to try to eat after the appointment. Martha Stewart probably wouldn't approve of that, though. She would suggest a nice tomato salad followed by chicken picatta or some other crap like that, that I have no desire to taste. It sounds like a chicken picking either its nose or its butt, I haven't yet decided which. Anyway, all I know is that I don't want it and I'm not gonna let her make me perfection-crazy. NOTE TO SELF: Stay off the Martha Stewart website. From now on!!!!! I feel slightly less than human because I can't tie a most perfect bow, thanks to her!! I will fall asleep tonight with anxiety about how to become better at this or at that, and it's all her FAULT!!! LOL. I need a Martha Stewart antidote, and I think a handful of Ranch-flavored Ruffles might just do the trick.

UGH. Hormoneshormoneshor mones.