Hard Candy Christmas

Speaking of Dolly Parton, I just found "Hard Candy Christmas" on iTunes. I just put up a load of Molly's clothes. Wow, she is outgrowing her outfits so quickly I just can't believe it.

As for Ms. Dolly Parton, I remember her song "Hard Candy Christmas" all too well. My uncle Butch was living with us at the time, and he came to pick me up from school in his black el Camino/Cabelero (the body styles are so similar I've simply forgotten which exactly he had) and this came on the radio. My Uncle started singing, loudly, and I will admit here and now that it embarrassed me. He was taking me back, if I remember correctly, to my mother's house. I don't know where she was at the time, but I remember he picked me up and I don't recall that it was anywhere near Christmas time, but still, this song played on the radio. Here are the lyrics, and I have to admit it takes me back to a much more simple time in my life...

Hey, maybe I'll dye my hair
Maybe I'll move somewhere
Maybe I'll get a car
Maybe I'll drive so far
They'll all lose track
Me, I'll bounce right back
Maybe I'll sleep real late
Maybe I'll lose some weight
Maybe I'll clear my junk
Maybe I'll just get drunk
on apple wine
Me, I'll be just
Fine and Dandy
Lord it's like a hard candy christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But still I won't let
Sorrow bring me way down
I
'll be fine and dandy
Lord it's like a hard candy christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But still I won't let
Sorrow get me way down

Hey, maybe I'll learn to sew
Maybe I'll just lie low
Maybe I'll hit the bars
Maybe I'll count the stars until dawn
Me, I will go on

Maybe I'll settle down
Maybe I'll just leave town
Maybe I'll have some fun
Maybe I'll meet someone
And make him mine
Me, I'll be just
Fine and dandy
Lord it's like a hard candy christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But still I won't let
Sorrow bring me way down

I'll be fine and dandy
Lord it's like a hard candy christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But still I won't let
Sorrow bring me way down

I'll be fine and dandy
Lord it's like a hard candy christmas
I'm barely getting through tomorrow
But still I won't let
Sorrow bring me way down
'Cause I'll be fine (I'll be fine)
Oh, I'll be fine

You know, there are so many times that I wonder abou my mother. I wonder why she left us. I wonder what prompted her to go away For Good. I wish she were here. It would be nice to call her and tell her about Molly. It would be nice to ask questions about what I'm supposed to expect with my daughter. It would be nice to be able to cry on my mother's shoulder, ask her for recipes or go shopping with her. It would be nice to ask my mother to babysit. It would be wonderful if I could call and ask her if "this" is normal with Molly or if "that" is not normal with Molly. I am sad when I hear this song by Dolly Parton, well, because it takes me back to Back Then. Will Molly Piper ever know how AWESOME her own grandmother was...how she superceded any of the bull that she grew up with or surrounded herself with in her young life? Will she ever know exactly how much she wanted ME to succeed, how she tried to provide me with The Best, or how much myyoung mother loved me? I can't "see" a woman like my mother with someone like my father, and yet I know it happened because I remember it all too well.

Hard Candy Christmas. It was playing on my Uncle Butch's stereo shortly before She died, and today, it still plays in my mind and makes me reminisce about those times....

I am sad now. I am thinking of Molly, and how Todd and I want to provide the most loving home for her. We both want the best for her; we do not want to expose her to any unnecessary BS, but unfortunately, THAT is where we BOTH come from...BS...but we are determined to work hard to make things right for Molly. We hope to have a second child in a few years, too, but right now our thoughts are focused on Molly and how we can help her and nurture and support her. Unfortunately, we are both COMPLETELY CLUELESS but we have a bounty of love in our hearts for her. Hopefully that, along with motivation for change, is enough.

Second glass of wine. I think I'm gonna go to bed. I'm sad now. :(