The story of us...The Watts Family...and regular updates for those who are following...
I dreamt I was standing beside a creek, up on the bank. In the water were 3 women, and they were asking me what I’ve been craving. I told them I had been wanting a lot of sweets and carbs. They all 3 threw back their heads and laughed and exclaimed, “You’re having a BOY!” When I asked how they knew one of the women said, “Women who crave sweets and carbs have baby boys!”
Even in my dream I was shocked!
So there you have it. My weird dream. Is it true? Am I having a stinky, dirty, smells-like-earthworms BOY???! I soooo want to cry right now.
The crazy thing? I craved sweets and carbs a LONG time before I ever got pregnant. So is there really any truth to this dream of mine? I don’t really put a LOT of significance into dreams but I do believe that sometimes they do tell us things we want to know, if we pay attention and listen to them. I am really going to go out of my head with this one because I tend to want to analyze, analyze, analyze, and this dream is no exception to my situational neuroses. GADS!
The main thing, I suppose, is that we have a HEALTHY baby. I have said from the start of this pregnancy that I didn’t really care, so long as Baby Watts is HEALTHY! And, that is truly how I feel. But when I think of little girls I think of sweetness. And all those GIRL CLOTHES hanging in the closet? Fuggetaboudit! I am SO not prepared for a baby boy. Sure, I have a few clothes and things but really I don’t know that I am EMOTIONALLY prepared. I’ve seen those movies where they pee all over the place. I’ve heard parents comment on the messes they make in the bathroom, thinking it’s funny to decorate the wall when they’re learning to write their ABCs. I’ve smelled that salty, earthwormy smell of a sweaty little boy. EW. That is all I can say. EW.
You know what, though? Even if I AM craving sweets… Well, my hubby is a boy and he doesn’t even LIKE sweets. In fact, many guys I know care nothing for sweets. So why would I be craving sweets and having a boy? Hmmmm?
This dream has me wigging out. In an age of instant gratification, I fit right in: I want to know NOW what we’re having. I want to go in to our April appointment and have the OB tell me, “Mrs. Watts, you’re having a baby GIRL!” Of course, I know that is not going to happen. And really, I have been diligent about thanking God for this baby, no matter what, no matter what. Last time, I said I did not want a boy and look what happened. This time, I’m REALLY trying to practice an attitude of gratitude and look at it with a thankful heart because I really AM thankful and I really AM grateful for the awesome chance to be a mommy…no matter if it turns out to be a boy OR a girl.
Just to ready myself, I better put the brakes on buying stuff for Baby Watts for now. Heck, instead of eyelet-collared onesies and pink and white colors, I need to think about buying Peepee Teepees and blue and navy and gray.
All I can say is that it’s a good thing our nursery bedding and stroller combo are fit for either a boy or girl. I’d be having a ringtail fit right about now if I’d purchased a gender-specific big ticket item…
The last thing, the ultrasound, well, we don’t have a scanner so I have no way of scanning it into the computer to show everyone. But basically, just imagine a very distorted PEANUT and there you have it…our baby’s very first photo shoot! My OB gave us 5 pictures, and they all show varying positions of virtually the same thing—this curved, slightly cute, peanut-resembling embryo. Because our kid is at this time the size of a blueberry, the Doppler didn’t really pick up any of the details that I’d expected and hoped to see, but at least we KNOW that EVERYTHING IS IN PLACE, AND WHERE IT SHOULD BE! There is a BABY in there, in the right spot. It’s not in a tube and it’s not invisible…IT’s THERE! And it’s kind of surreal…
And yes, the most exciting thing is that we got to see the heart beating! It looked to me like a distant, flashing light, but yep, we saw it! Todd was so cute, too: he was so happy it looked like he was about to bust open his seams. We were both elated and just giddy with happiness after the appointment. To celebrate, we went to Chili’s for lunch and just bathed in the satisfaction and excitement of knowing that, in a good 8 months, our lives will never be the same again. Gone will be the days when we can just decide on the spur of the moment to go to Wal-Mart at 8 PM. If we want to do that, we’ll have to make allowances for Baby’s sleep schedule, his/her eating schedule, the weather. I’ve been reading that routine with a baby is of utmost importance, and it just makes sense. I didn’t have much routine or consistency as a child and to this day I’m still all over the place and spontaneous and ready to try anything. But I DO believe that a daily routine is best and most beneficial for babies and toddlers. Like I said…it just makes the best sense.
We went to church today and my cuz Amy gave me a few gifts from my Aunt Rose: This GREAT Baby & Toddler 411 Giftset, which I’ve had my nose stuck in ALL DAY! The set includes 2 books, one for each age range, and there are so many helpful tips in there. I could read information like that all day long. They’re very well-written, informational and fact-filled. I’m learning things I didn’t know and have never even considered, such as the potential health hazards of plastic bottles versus glass or the drop-in systems, for example. It also has a great deal of information on breastfeeding and talks in depth about the entire process of it and gives time lines and feeding guidelines for breast and formula-fed babies. Along with the books was a package of Preggie Pop Drops! I was so surprised AND so thrilled! These things WORK, I’m telling you, and since I can’t really get saltine crackers down the hatch (the consistency of them just does not work for me post gastric bypass surgery) the Preggie Pop Drops are purrrrrrfect. They taste just like a sour fruit candy but include ingredients to curb or take away the nausea, which has been heightened the last week or so. THANKS SO MUCH, AUNT ROSE!! You don’t know how much I appreciate your thoughtfulness.
I am almost 6-1/2 weeks pregnant today. We are soooo excited because this Wednesday we actually get to go for our first ultrasound to see the heartbeat and take a look at the little peanut! We can't wait! I'm thinking maybe there are 2 in there, but anyway... All I know is that after we go on Wednesday, I will feel a *lot* better about this whole thing. It will be real to me then, knowing everything is in the right place and where it still should be. I haven't had any problems or anything (other than the ICK feeling that I've had nonstop for about a week) but still...you go through something once so traumatic as losing a baby and you always think it could keep happening. So, I just say my Thank You's everyday to God and I know that He has a plan for us and for our family...
I have a ton of clothes I've been stockpiling for the last few years. Everything I've bought I've gotten on sale...I don't shop any other way! Here are a few of the pictures I took today, but trust me, there are a HUNDRED more where these came from!
Don't worry, I have BOY stuff, too, but my batteries died before I could take any more pictures! My friend Traci's baby is due in early May, so if we DO have a boy, she'll be inheriting many of these cute outfits or else I'll eBay them or save them as gifts for other friends who are expecting girls. BUT...I really think it's a GIRL. My friend Bobby says he is banking on a boy. We'll see. It doesn't really matter to us what we have, so long as he/she is healthy and has 10 fingers and 10 toes! We're just thrilled because I know I wondered if it was *EVER* going to be *our time* to have a baby!
I think this ticker is adorable. I'm new to HTML (very new!) and this is the only place I know to put this thing. I wish I could put it at the very top of the blog, though, so everyone could see...
Many thanks to Jenny for turning me on to www.baby-gaga.com! Thanks again, J! :)
Something I have really had a hankering for is a good ol’ glass of red wine, but I know I cannot (and would not) partake. I’m not THAT hard up for a drink of wine, but you know, it sure sounds good some evenings. Anyway, the Italians do it. But honey, I ain’t Italian. J Anyway, to fool myself, I put some good-for-me chocolate milk in a wine glass and sipped it ever-so-slowly this afternoon…
It was sooooooo good. Gosh, I kind of crave milk right now. I bought chocolate just because I was kind of getting tired of the regular. I think our bodies KNOW what we need when we're carrying a baby. It's just up to us to listen hard for what our bodies are trying to tell us...
On a different note, last night I gave my testimony at the monthly GBS support group meeting. I was so nervous, but afterward I felt exhilerated! I got up, did my thing, and actually gave a great speech! I tried to be animated without acting stupid, and I just went along with whatever…there was actually no planning involved on my part. In the background was a hideous picture of me at my heighest weight, just a few weeks prior to surgery…
Yeah, my hips are a little big, but as my family says, we have birthin' hips! LOL. And yeah, I feel 150% better NOW than I have EVER felt before in my life. I'm healthy, happy, loved, and about to embark on loving my very own baby. What more could a lucky girl ask for?
Then on my way home from Claremore I became so sleepy I almost fell asleep while driving! I came home, put on my jammies and proceeded to power nap for about an hour.
THEN, right after dinner I had to take another nap! Todd said he would wake me in exactly 1 hour but there it was, two hours later, before I actually opened my eyes, alarmed that I’d slept so long!
I also feel that I “dump” more now that I am pregnant. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term as it relates to gastric bypass surgery, this means that, quite frankly, food passes through the system too quickly and the result is just a very tired, icky feeling. I seem to dump HARD now whenever I eat anything sweet or starchy, just like right after surgery. With time and increasingly pushing my sweet limits, my dumping tolerance has widened but it seems that for this pregnancy I’m right back to Square One, and I’m not necessarily saying that’s bad. I am, after all, trying to adjust my eating habits to include more fruits and veggies but I still have that darned sweet tooth that just can’t be cured by a yogurt or a fresh strawberry! Sometimes, I just need good ol’ plain CHOCOLATE! Todd and I both bought several boxes of Girl Scout cookies this year (hey, it’s “for a good cause”) and together we’ve managed to polish off a box of Samoas already. And a few times a week, I like to enjoy a refreshing orange slush. YUM! See, I can still eat these things but not without consequence. Gastric Bypass surgery, I suppose, will do that to you.
I also lost a pound yesterday. Don’t know how or why, but I did. OMG, I was incredibly nauseated yesterday after I got home from the bank and started working a bit. Luckily I had purchased some Preggy Pops the day before from the Motherhood store in Tulsa. I popped one of the sugar free sour fruit drops of candy and within 15 minutes my nausea was almost completely relieved. So, next time I’m in Tulsa again I’ll be purchasing more of these Preggy Pops. I think it’s pretty much an ingenious concoction and they really taste good, too. A little pricey, so I’m kind of chintzy with them (“hopefully just ONE will kill the nausea this time…”) but in all, I’m glad to have found something so early on that hopefully will cure the queasiness and ill-feelings that are just so unpleasant! These Preggy Pop drops did it for me yesterday, so I’m officially sold on them, at least until they stop working for me. When that happens, I do have some organic ginger tea, but I don’t like the taste of ginger unless we’re talking about a gingersnap, so we’ll see. Hopefully the Preggy Pops have got what it takes to cure what ails me. The Remedy!
Another problem I’m experiencing at this stage is crazywickednutso constipation. We’re talking, GET OUTTA DODGE crazy. We’re talking, IT AIN’T OVER TIL THE FAT LADY SINGS crazy. I take something morning and night to ease this but so far nothing, and I mean NOTHING has answered my prayers in this department. I won’t go into any more detail, but I don’t know if this is pregnancy-after-gastric-bypass related or not, or if this is what all preggo women experience at some point or another, but it’s out of hand, so if you have any clue as to what might work, please fill me in. Chances are that I’ve tried it but then again, try me. I am willing to try almost ANYTHING at this point to relieve the discomfort.
As far as bodily changes, there aren’t really any so far. The weight seems to have settled around my hips/thigh/buttocks area, though, so I’m a little heavier there than anyplace else. I wish I could get on my skates and skate it off, but I KNOW that extra padding here is NORMAL when you’re getting ready to spring forth another human being from your loins. I’m not used to the extra fleshiness or fullness in my thighs, so I admit it wigs me out a little, but I ALSO KNOW that it is important and beneficial. I have always had birthin’ hips (hey, it runs in my family, right Amy?) but now they are really…. BIRTHIN’ HIPS. Trust me on this. I take up my entire chair now rather than leaving 4 inches on each side of it. I just keep breathing and telling myself that it’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay!
Now, however, I get BORED and my eyes won’t close once they fly open for the day. Well, that is, until it gets to be around 11 or 11: 30 in the morning. By then I’m usually due for a quick 1 or 2 hour cat nap. I doze on the couch or in bed but like clockwork, I awaken again full of energy. I do seem to tire easily, but seem to recover just as quickly.
I must say, however, that this routine I’ve got going has been very beneficial to my work. I find that if I need a nap and succumb to that need, then I wake up more productive and ready to get back to work. By cat napping, I’ve been able to vacuum, keep up with laundry, make meals, sweep the floor, do my bills, answer mail, care for the animals and basically just stay on top of things. I feel absolutely wonderful.
… But this is only Month 1. I am fully aware that as this pregnancy progresses, I will likely change my tune to a different song. I’m not, for example, looking forward to not being able to bend over, which is what my friend Traci is going through right at this moment. I’m not looking forward to not being able to rest unless I’m positioned just so. BUT… I’m thankful for this entire experience, that’s for sure. THAT, that is what I CAN say.
My weight is still freaking me out. Of course, I’m such a carb addict and seem to be getting next to no exercise other than the occasional trip to Wal-Mart and walking around there. I’m awaiting a few DVDs such as Living Room Yoga and the Dance It Off! Series, even though I need to dance nothing off. I simply want to remain fit and, so be it if I gain some weight. Within reason. My worst fear is gaining back to my original 250 pounds only to never see my size 8s or 10s ever again. If it happens, it happens, but I want to do all I can now (again, within reason) to prevent such a tragedy. And in my book? That would qualify as a tragedy.
Let me just stop here and say that I had 2 main reasons for having gastric bypass surgery: The first was mainly because I could not breathe. Literally, all the fat was pushing against my organs and I could not sleep lying flat. Everyday, I had headaches to some degree and was too stubborn to treat them symptomatically. The second main reason was because I wanted to be a good mother when the time came, and for a long time I’ve wanted nothing more than to be a mommy. But for me, and I know many out there might disagree with this sentiment, I did not feel that being fat contributed to me being a good mother. At a preconception appointment with my OB/GYN, he told me to lose the weight and then I might have a chance at conceiving. I tried everything: Weight Watchers. NutriSystem. The Atkins Diet. Starvation. The local fitness club. Praying. Honestly, nothing worked for me because I had such horribly weak willpower. Or, it would work for a month or 2 but then I’d fall off my healthy wagon and the pounds I’d dropped would come back with a vengence, only this time they brought friends. I was miserable. I felt and looked it, too. I looked like a swollen toad and felt like a big blob of fat. I wasn’t used to being that heavy and it was just all out of control.
So, as you can see, surgery changed my life for the better. I feel that I have conceived only because I lost the weight and I believe my doctor would concur. I am healthy now and can breathe and move easily and freely. I am finally satisfied when I look in the mirror and everyday I put my best foot forward to be the best person I can possibly be. That’s exactly the kind of mom I want to be: someone who’s positive. Someone who can actually get down in the floor and play with her children. And finally, I have the confidence that I can be exactly that kind of person, wife and mother.
Today, I weigh 149. This is the heaviest I have been since WLS, with my lowest weight so far at 139. I feel my best around 140 or 141, and now at 149 my pants are tightening and I’ve had to move to a size 12 britches. My bra size is increased also, and it increased practically overnight, from a 34B to a 36C. The husband’s thrilled, needless to say, but I am looking down at my chest in awe and frequently walk around the house and lift up my shirt and say, “Just look at my boobs!” and of course we laugh. Last night Todd said with pride,”… And they’re just gonna keep getting bigger!”
I don’t know if it’s normal to have this rapid of weight gain this early in a pregnancy, especially after gastric bypass surgery, but I’m just going with it. I’m meeting with the nutritionist from my surgeon’s office on Friday so we can talk about where to go from here and how to better my diet. I’ve been keeping a food log per Stephanie’s request for the last 3 days and am mortified by the amount and types of foods I’ve been eating. I know better than that hot brownie with vanilla ice cream on top! I know better than that stack of saltines I had between my 2 afternoon snacks yesterday! I know better than to take infrequent sips of Todd’s strawberry pop. And yet, I do it. WHY??
This is the thing I’m getting ready to explore. And as always, I will keep you posted.