Month 1 Sleep and Weight Gain

I’m not very far along and am already having a difficult time of sleeping. I can’t stay asleep for more than 3 or 4 hours, tops. I’ve been waking in the mornings at 3 and 4 o’clock, only having gone to bed the night before at midnight. It’s strange because my body, a year ago, could hang out in bed until noon if I let it. If I woke up early, I could just roll over and go back to sleep.

Now, however, I get BORED and my eyes won’t close once they fly open for the day. Well, that is, until it gets to be around 11 or 11: 30 in the morning. By then I’m usually due for a quick 1 or 2 hour cat nap. I doze on the couch or in bed but like clockwork, I awaken again full of energy. I do seem to tire easily, but seem to recover just as quickly.

I must say, however, that this routine I’ve got going has been very beneficial to my work. I find that if I need a nap and succumb to that need, then I wake up more productive and ready to get back to work. By cat napping, I’ve been able to vacuum, keep up with laundry, make meals, sweep the floor, do my bills, answer mail, care for the animals and basically just stay on top of things. I feel absolutely wonderful.

… But this is only Month 1. I am fully aware that as this pregnancy progresses, I will likely change my tune to a different song. I’m not, for example, looking forward to not being able to bend over, which is what my friend Traci is going through right at this moment. I’m not looking forward to not being able to rest unless I’m positioned just so. BUT… I’m thankful for this entire experience, that’s for sure. THAT, that is what I CAN say.

My weight is still freaking me out. Of course, I’m such a carb addict and seem to be getting next to no exercise other than the occasional trip to Wal-Mart and walking around there. I’m awaiting a few DVDs such as Living Room Yoga and the Dance It Off! Series, even though I need to dance nothing off. I simply want to remain fit and, so be it if I gain some weight. Within reason. My worst fear is gaining back to my original 250 pounds only to never see my size 8s or 10s ever again. If it happens, it happens, but I want to do all I can now (again, within reason) to prevent such a tragedy. And in my book? That would qualify as a tragedy.

Let me just stop here and say that I had 2 main reasons for having gastric bypass surgery: The first was mainly because I could not breathe. Literally, all the fat was pushing against my organs and I could not sleep lying flat. Everyday, I had headaches to some degree and was too stubborn to treat them symptomatically. The second main reason was because I wanted to be a good mother when the time came, and for a long time I’ve wanted nothing more than to be a mommy. But for me, and I know many out there might disagree with this sentiment, I did not feel that being fat contributed to me being a good mother. At a preconception appointment with my OB/GYN, he told me to lose the weight and then I might have a chance at conceiving. I tried everything: Weight Watchers. NutriSystem. The Atkins Diet. Starvation. The local fitness club. Praying. Honestly, nothing worked for me because I had such horribly weak willpower. Or, it would work for a month or 2 but then I’d fall off my healthy wagon and the pounds I’d dropped would come back with a vengence, only this time they brought friends. I was miserable. I felt and looked it, too. I looked like a swollen toad and felt like a big blob of fat. I wasn’t used to being that heavy and it was just all out of control.

So, as you can see, surgery changed my life for the better. I feel that I have conceived only because I lost the weight and I believe my doctor would concur. I am healthy now and can breathe and move easily and freely. I am finally satisfied when I look in the mirror and everyday I put my best foot forward to be the best person I can possibly be. That’s exactly the kind of mom I want to be: someone who’s positive. Someone who can actually get down in the floor and play with her children. And finally, I have the confidence that I can be exactly that kind of person, wife and mother.

Today, I weigh 149. This is the heaviest I have been since WLS, with my lowest weight so far at 139. I feel my best around 140 or 141, and now at 149 my pants are tightening and I’ve had to move to a size 12 britches. My bra size is increased also, and it increased practically overnight, from a 34B to a 36C. The husband’s thrilled, needless to say, but I am looking down at my chest in awe and frequently walk around the house and lift up my shirt and say, “Just look at my boobs!” and of course we laugh. Last night Todd said with pride,”… And they’re just gonna keep getting bigger!”

I don’t know if it’s normal to have this rapid of weight gain this early in a pregnancy, especially after gastric bypass surgery, but I’m just going with it. I’m meeting with the nutritionist from my surgeon’s office on Friday so we can talk about where to go from here and how to better my diet. I’ve been keeping a food log per Stephanie’s request for the last 3 days and am mortified by the amount and types of foods I’ve been eating. I know better than that hot brownie with vanilla ice cream on top! I know better than that stack of saltines I had between my 2 afternoon snacks yesterday! I know better than to take infrequent sips of Todd’s strawberry pop. And yet, I do it. WHY??
This is the thing I’m getting ready to explore. And as always, I will keep you posted.

Xoxo
liz