Boy or Girl??

Well, the ultrasound on 06/17/08 told us we were having a GIRL!!!! I shrieked in the procedure room, I was so surprised!!

To date, I have had 4 dreams and 2 muscle tests revealing that we're having a boy. So...I'm a little confused at this point. The ultrasound guy says he is 99% sure it's a girl...but my friend, Dr. Teresa Jackson, says the body does not lie and her muscle testing reveals that it is a boy. And what about the 4 dreams I've had? Hmm?

Honestly, we really do not care if this baby is a boy or a girl. Of course, I am mainly prepared for a girl in the clothes department, but that is something that can be easily remedied (as I LOVE to shop!). All we care is that the baby arrives healthy, full-term, and that he/she is happy!

We SURELY will find out on Saturday, July 19th, during our 4D ultrasound exactly if it is a boy or a girl. They do a gender check on the baby as well as let you see their facial features and you also get to see the baby moving around in the womb. I'm really excited about it, too.

If it's a girl, her name will be Molly Piper Watts. If it's a boy, his name will more than likely be Griffin Tate Watts, but we haven't completely decided on a boy's name yet. This is the one we've agreed on, though not "officially".

So for all you out there who actually bothered to vote in my poll over to the left...I will let you know on SATURDAY if we have a Molly or a Griffin in there! :) Oh, and now that I'm feeling better, I promise to update more frequently.

Thanks so much for reading!

xoxox

liz

An Overdue Update!

Hey, everybody! What’s happening? A LOT going on here! I am looooong overdue for an update on here… sorry for the wait, people! I have been busy working (trying to make up for those few months when I was so sick and didn’t feel worth a darn) and we have traveled here and there. This past week, we bought a truck! We have been TRYING to motivate ourselves to start on the MANY projects to be done around the house before Baby Watts gets here, but so far, nothing. I know I need to make phone calls to the cable company, get a computer armoire ordered, go through my Mary Kay stuff and either give it away or sell it. We have baby furniture to put together (right now it’s all up in the attic), a roof to repair, new doors to put on the nursery, a carpet to shampoo, a bathroom floor to fix… And the list seems like it grows every week, all the things we need or should do before November. It’s REALLY overwhelming.



We start our childbirthing classes August 12th. This past week I have THOUGHT I’ve experienced mild contractions, but I’m not sure. It sure feels like what are described as contractions; there is a slight tightening of my tummy every now and again. Today, I was reading on the couch, and I SAW THE BABY ROLL!!! It was soooo strange-looking! It felt weird, too, but this kid is pretty active in there. A few weeks ago I became concerned because I felt no kicks for over a day, but then I ate something sweet and began to feel movement again. I was soooo relieved.



We have another appointment this Tuesday, July 15th, and then on July 19th we are scheduled for a 4D ultrasound in Tulsa, and I’m really excited about that. I can’t wait to see all the facial features! I am planning to have one now, at 24 weeks (6 months) and then again at around 35 weeks or so, when the baby has accumulated more fat, but we’ll see how that pans out! We may just be too busy with baby preparations to mess with a second 4D, I don’t know. Like I said, we’ll see!



I have also been dealing with some personal things. I found out some things that have totally changed the way I view my childhood and the way I grew up, but I am finding a way to deal with that and forgive and try and let go and get past it. After all, my sadness or anger at the situation cannot and will not change anything. I know those involved did what they did at the time to protect me. Still, it’s a big huge blow and kind of turned my world upside down, but I am finding a way to deal with it personally. I just wish I knew all of these things sooner in my life and have often wondered why no one made it a point to tell me, but that is beside the point. Everything happens for a reason—at least, that has always been my motto—and I feel the same way about all of this stuff. I sure am thankful to have such a great husband, though. He cares for me like no one else ever has, and I am forever greatful to God that He put Todd in my life. We are really good for each other and honestly, I couldn’t ask for a better husband or father for our baby! He is so genuine and I can truly be myself around him, and he STILL loves me! Hahaha. He makes me laugh just as easily now as he did the night I met him! Through him, I am learning so much even about myself. As I said, I am so greatful.



The past 3 months have been filled with more cheeseburgers than I have ever eaten in my life! I started craving them like crazy a few months back and one week I dragged Todd to Lot-A-Burger 3 times! My dad took me there once that week… So that means I ate cheeseburgers 4 times in one week alone!! My current food cravings consist of fruit. You name it, I am probably lovin’ it right now: Bananas, cantaloupe, cherries, seedless grapes… And over the last 2 weeks I have devoured two or three watermelons!!! There’s actually one sitting on the counter right now, just waiting to be sliced. I think I’ll cut it up tomorrow morning and have some for breakfast. I am also loving this V-8 Splash that my friends Kathy and Morgan told me about. It’s soooo good, and it doesn’t make me swell up like a blowfish like regular V-8 seems to do!


I have also been to water aerobics. It’s really tiring, but I like it and hope to go back soon if it ever stops raining!



I cannot believe it’s already the middle of July. It still blows my mind to think that this time next year, our child will be 8 months old. WOW!


Here are pictures of me, taken at approximately 6 months…

MIA in April '08

Unfortunately, this has not been a good month for me. So far, I’m 12 weeks along and for the last 6 weeks or so I have just been beside myself. For the last 4 or 5, I have not even BEEN myself. I am having trouble recognizing my thoughts, feelings, emotions. I really don’t understand my emotions lately, when I have really always been good at knowing myself and being able to name my feelings.

My doctor and many others chalk it up to hormones. But the thing is, I am seriously depressed. It is beginning to lift, though, I can feel it. But in the meantime, the entire month has sucked! My OB took me off my antidepressant and instead of April progressing from bad to better, instead it went from bad to worse. I have had what feels like a sinus infection/ear infection for the last 3 weeks and when I went to see the doc about that, she didn’t give me anything for it because I’m pregnant. So, my left ear has been giving me trouble nearly 3 weeks and I can’t even open my mouth all the way because of the pain radiating to my jaw. The nausea is markedly improved, although I still feel nauseous in the afternoons/evenings some days. I have had an increase in crampy sensations and after my exam on Monday my entire lower body has been aching like crazy. I don’t know if that is normal or not, and I called the OB’s office today but they have not called me back. Hopefully I will get to question them about this on Monday sometime. It’s not the type of cramping I had when I was miscarrying, but it is still really kind of annoying and uncomfortable and of course it concerns me.

Today, I have not been able to keep anything down. Everything keeps getting stuck on me and Todd is urging me to make yet another appointment with the gastroenterologist for an endoscopy and dilation. I have PROMISED myself that I will call Monday and see if they are even willing to see me, seeing as how they have to administer anesthesia to put me under and I don’t know if they’re comfortable with doing that on someone who’s preggo. I don’t want to harm my baby, but I also cannot eat much without puking and it is progressively getting worse and it’s NOT because of nausea. Trust me, getting something stuck feels nothing like throwing up from being sick to your tummy. Instead, it feels like there’s a fist ramming into your upper chest. It’s not a good thing.

So. Along with the sinus/ear infection/moderate-but-gradually improving nausea/suspected esophageal stricture situation, I have had a real problem with withdrawal and depression for the past month. I got out a little last week, though. Monday I chose to go to a meeting but couldn’t pull my head out of my butt enough to enjoy it. Tuesday night I met my cuz Amy for dinner in Tulsa. Wednesday I stayed home. Thursday night I had class and I can’t remember what I did on Friday. Probably nothing. In fact, from Friday to Sunday, I planted my fat butt on the couch and didn’t move except to go to the loo. I didn’t shower. I know, that is really gross, right? I even slept on the couch, too. I mean, I just felt diminished and deteriorated and defeated.

I haven’t returned anyone’s calls or texts in almost a month. I know people are worried. I hate that I am being like this but right now I feel extremely overwhelmed and consumed with myself. I feel like I really NEED my antidepressant but again, I don’t want to harm my baby. The drug I was on, the Emsam transdermal patch, has only been on the market for a year and my OB said that there is just no data to confirm the safety of it being used by pregnant women. So. There you have it.

What annoys me is that some people just chalk it up to “hormones”. Yes, I know hormones are a big part of my problem right now but the truth is that I have been clinically depressed for years. Why would it just “go away” because I’m pregnant? Why would hormones be the only cause? Why is it that some folks, doctors mainly, fail to see the importance of keeping women ON their meds instead of yanking them off and expecting it all just to “be okay?” If you’ve never suffered from depression, you haven’t a clue what the hell I’m talking about but if you have then I’m sure you can identify.

I know I’m only 12 weeks along and all and I’m really hoping that my “hormones” even out real soon because I am getting on my own nerves. I hate it that I’ve ignored so many of my friends, my family. I hate it that I have been in such a funk that I refused to go to the door when my dad or a little girl that I know, comes by to see me. I haven’t returned calls, emails or text messages…simply because I am not capable of it right now. I dropped out of school because I just can’t handle the stress of everything. Not right now. I actually left dirty dishes in the sink on 2 or 3 occasions, and the sink was crammed full of dirty dishes, which I think is disgusting and I never do that. But yeah, this past month I have. Todd has come home from long days at work and actually unloaded the dishwasher and then loaded it back up, just because I “didn’t feel up to it”. It’s a wonder he hasn’t kicked my tail yet, but he’s been wonderful through all of this. He’s my greatest support and I’m thankful for him. He’s gotten us takeout when I haven’t felt like making dinner. He’s brought me my favorite pasta salad from the deli we like in Bartlesville. He’s made me bowls of sherbet while we’re watching the tube. And, bless his heart, he cleans out the litter boxes EVERY NIGHT because I’m not supposed to be messing with it, and he never complains. He is the BEST.

I keep trying to talk myself into feeling better. Coax, actually. I am kind of envious of those women who beam and float around on Cloud 9 while they’re knocked up because I sure don’t feel that way and haven’t except for maybe the first few weeks. I LOVE that we’re having a baby and I feel very BLESSED and yes, I’m truly EXCITED, but I just don’t feel all mushy-gushy-happy-go-lucky like I believe I should. You know, the media always hypes about postpartum depression, but what about depression WHILE you’re pregnant? Surely I can’t be the only person who’s ever felt so…cruddy. Right?

On a lighter and more exciting note, my belly is kinda starting to show. I’m not sure how I feel about that yet. One thing I fear is that people will want to touch my stomach! I have always been a touchy-feely kind of girl, but I just don’t know how I feel about this specific thing. I do like boundaries and I just don’t know if I’m comfortable enough yet with my body to tolerate people putting their hands in my personal space. Hmmm. Hopefully I will change my view on this as the time goes on because I know that it happens and people are naturally curious, but jeez! My aunt reached out to touch me and I jumped back like I’d been bitten. Now, had she tried to hug me or something, that wouldn’t have phased me. But please, people, keep your hands to yourself where my gut is concerned! Hehheehe




I have an interest in this prenatal yoga class in Tulsa but with gas being so high I can’t justify driving there twice a week to participate. I am getting ready to start working part time again, with the public. I NEED a reason to get up and get dressed and leave the house, you know? I love working at home but my uniform is my pajamas and house shoes, and I sit around here with no makeup, hair all a mess, and then at the end of the day I am usually still in my jammies. That’s ridiculous! So, I’ve made the decision to continue working out of my house but I HAVE to get out at least 3 or 4 times a week and I have always enjoyed working with the public, so I am thinking that will help me feel better. And, the extra money certainly can’t hurt, right? Sure, gas is high but I look at this as more of a necessity than a luxury because it’s for my mental health. LOL.

If you’re reading this and I have been out of touch, please accept my most sincere apologies. I honestly have not intended to alienate or block out anyone…all I can say is I’m sorry and I hope you all understand. For everybody involved, please know that it is NOT a personal attack on/against you…this is just all I am capable of right now but I feel like it is beginning to get better. At least, I really hope so.

Fear and Loathing

For the last week I’ve had WNS…Wet Noodle Syndrome…that’s exactly how I feel. Like a big, fat, floppy, wet noodle. I haven’t done much except work, and even then it’s been half-heartedly. Mostly, I have slept, lay on the couch, watch a boat load of TV in between sleeping TOO much! I’m depressed about the pain I know is inevitable, I’m depressed because I’m afraid I won’t make a good mother, I’m nervous about being responsible for another living being for the rest of my life (or at least the next 18 years). I’m scared of my kid being messy. I’m afraid what the cats will do/think when we bring home the baby. I’m upset with weight gain, my face breaking out, and those “unexpected” bills that have come up for me recently. I’m depressed because my OB requires his patients to “pre-pay” for his services, but even with insurance this unexpected bill makes me a bit nervous! I haven’t been out of the house in days and have been nauseous and felt too badly to attend my scrapbooking retreat that I paid dearly to attend this weekend. I’m mad at myself because of my protein woes I wrote about last time. All I want are sweets, but they make me SICK. Still, I eat them. Then I get sick. So I get even more upset with myself for eating the sweets I know I’m not supposed to have. For the last 2 weeks, I’ve been hit and miss on my prenatals, and I KNOW, KNOW, KNOW how important they are! It’s been CRAZY, the stuff I’m not doing. Taking the prenatals, just ingesting them, make my tummy feel ill and so I don’t WANT them! But I know how very important they are.

I saw a commercial the other night with Sarah McLauchlan and all these poor, helpless, beaten, sad-looking animals. It was for the ASPCA, I believe. Anyway, I just boo hooed. It really put me in a funk and I can’t seem to drag myself out of that funk. I don’t know why I just didn’t change the stupid channel. I’ve seen that commercial before and it did the SAME thing to me and I wasn’t even pregnant at the time! Still, why didn’t I just change the channel? UGH! Now I feel like poo and I’m letting everything bother me and I just sleep all the time. I haven’t had a B12 shot in almost a month because last time Todd gave it to me he hit a nerve in my hip and I thought I was going to hit the ceiling. SO. Haven’t wanted one of THOSE anytime recently. But still, I know the B12 is REQUIRED after gastric bypass surgery, and even more important for me now that I’m responsible for nourishing another life! Aaaah, the PRESSURE!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’ve got to turn this around. I’ve got a busy month ahead of me and no time to just lie around in my own funk, being depressed about stuff that I know I have no control over. I know labor is going to hurt like nothing else I’ve ever experienced, and that makes me question…WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO? Terrible, I know. I am excited to have a baby, this is what I have wanted for a long, long time. But every day, it is more real to me that it’s going to HURT. I’m really scared. I hate needles; I do NOT want an epidural in my SPINE!!!!!!!!!!! If I could find a place, I would elect to have my baby at a place where they don’t even use IV therapy in the mothers. Oklahoma is so ass-backwards, though, I doubt if any place like that exists around here. The needles coming out of my arms will only make me THAT much more anxious and scared. For the past week I have just wanted to crawl into a hole and cover my head and not think about anything but getting through the next minute of my life. I have a lot of anxiety about the messes kids make, too. Like, while they are eating. What am I going to do???? I hate messes. I hate disorganization. I hate not knowing what lies ahead. I’m really scared about everything, and it’s just taken hold the past 6 days or so. The feelings of despair have gotten worse, not better, and I don’t know exactly what to do about it yet.

The good news is that this week I will be 10 weeks along. I have been so sick to my stomach and the Preggie Pops work but I am stubborn about taking them. I’m hoping and praying that within the next few weeks the sickness will go away and STAY AWAY. Sometimes it lasts all day and sometimes I am fine in the morning, and then it will start in the afternoons. Whoever deemed it MORNING SICKNESS was seriously deluded…

Protein Woes

As a gastric bypass patient, I have been dedicated my entire journey to getting at least 100 grams of protein per day for the past two years since my surgery. Unfortunately, pregnancy has completely changed all of that.

I tried and fell in love with AchievOne, this DELICIOUS protein drink that one of my support group buddies recommended to our group. Nevermind that it’s 37.00 for a case of 12 bottles, I didn’t care because I LIKED it. Well, that is, I liked it before I got pregnant. Now, I don’t know why it has to be this way, but pregnancy simply changes a woman’s tastes, or so it seems. Almost overnight, I developed a STRONG aversion to my beloved AchievOne drinks (which, in a way, I’m glad because of the expense) and am finding it harder and harder to choke down ANYTHING related to my protein regimen. And this makes me a sad momma!

Before becoming pregnant, I could get in 100 to 120 grams of protein per day. Most of my protein intake came from protein powders and supplements and ready-to-drink proteins like the AchievOne. I’m not a big meat eater and because of these braces on my teeth I have trouble chewing food anyway, so obviously I had to find a do-able source for nutrition. Now, though? Fuggetaboudit. The thought of protein…the mere THOUGH…turns my stomach. Right now, I’m sipping on an EAS ready-to-drink carb control that offers up 17g of protein, but I wince with every drink. It’s not that I dislike the stuff now…it’s just that I would RATHER be eating something salty, or carb-y or a combination of salty and carb-y!

Todd bought a jar of Vlassic Zesty Dill Stackers. The entire jar lasted less than 24 hours and he didn’t get even one pickle! I polished off an entire jar of manzanillo olives and bought more within 2 days. Each time, I washed the pickles and olives down with a glass of Dutch Chocolate chocolate milk. Hey, at least the milk has protein, right?

So. Combined with whatever I can get down the hatch for lunch and dinner without throwing up, I would say I get about 40 grams of protein per day. I am deeply concerned about this because I’ve seen gastric patients who DON’T do their protein supplements and to tell you the truth, they look drawn up and OLD. I do NOT want to look old before my time! I’ve always looked younger than my real age and I don’t want to start now by screwing myself out of my youth, hehehe. I’m also concerned because protein is very important to a growing fetus. Todd read in one of his books that protein helps the baby’s brain and cognitive development. It scares and concerns me that I have gone from 120 grams per day down to a measley 40 grams. As a gastric patient, we absorb only about HALF of what we consume (which is what causes the weight loss)…so in reality I’m only consuming half of whatever protein intake I’m getting right now. And that ain’t a lot, let me tell you.

At our first appointment a few weeks ago, I expressed this concern to my OB. He was not concerned at all, stating instead just to eat whatever I could possibly get down. The bad thing is that I can eat sweets and carbs until the cows come home but protein sources make me want to gag. Still, he was not at all concerned, stating instead that this should change or go back to normal by the second trimester. THIS WEEK, I’m heading into my 9th week of pregnancy, with only 3 more to go until I hit the second trimester, and I can’t wait. I’ve been nauseous, tired and very pukey feeling for the last I-don’t-know-how-long, and I cannot WAIT to feel “normal” again, whatever that means, and get back to eating the correct way for my lifestyle.

I am disappointed in myself in the area of exercise, also. The doc said I was fine to exercise and that it would make delivery easier, blah blah blah, and I have videos and an eliptical just waiting for me in the living room, but have I tried either in the last 9 weeks? NO. This is ridiculous! I got on the scale this morning and it said 146.0,which isn’t bad considering I WAS 149.9 last week. I’m not TRYING to lose weight, trust me. I eat every sweet thing in sight, too.

I keep telling myself that when the weather gets nicer, when it stops raining, I will walk the dogs. They need the exercise just as badly as I do, only Buttons COULD stand to lose a few pounds whereas Peety and I are fine how we are, hehehehe. My friend Bobby says Buttons has TREASURES, not junk in her trunk, but she is a hefty pooch anyway! LOL. You know what I REALLY want to do???? Strap on my rollerskates, put on my iPod and get after it at the track or the church parking lot. THAT is excellent exercise and it really doesn’t feel like exercise. But, I have a husband who’d freak out if I put on rollerskates while preggo! LOL. Even though I have all the protective gear, he would still have a conniption fit!

Anxiety is high for me right now due to the fact that a small part of me keeps waiting for this pregnancy to take a wrong turn, and for something bad to happen. I know, I know, that is not having faith in God to take care of things, but I’m still human. I was at about 8 weeks when I had the miscarriage so I’ve pretty much secretly been holding my breath, waiting but praying that nothing bad happens. So far, everything has been great. My doctor isn’t concerned at all and he even told us to just keep the faith. So. As I head into my 9th week this week, it is with a grateful heart. Every day, it is becoming even more real that in less than a year, we’ll have a real live baby of our very own. OMG! Life as we know it will never be the same.

And for that, I am excited and hopeful and nervous all at the same time!
Xoxo
Liz

Oh Boy! Oh No!

I just woke up and it’s 2:41 AM. The thing is, I had a dream that we’re having a BOY! Yep, that’s right. Let me tell you about it….

I dreamt I was standing beside a creek, up on the bank. In the water were 3 women, and they were asking me what I’ve been craving. I told them I had been wanting a lot of sweets and carbs. They all 3 threw back their heads and laughed and exclaimed, “You’re having a BOY!” When I asked how they knew one of the women said, “Women who crave sweets and carbs have baby boys!”

Even in my dream I was shocked!

So there you have it. My weird dream. Is it true? Am I having a stinky, dirty, smells-like-earthworms BOY???! I soooo want to cry right now.

The crazy thing? I craved sweets and carbs a LONG time before I ever got pregnant. So is there really any truth to this dream of mine? I don’t really put a LOT of significance into dreams but I do believe that sometimes they do tell us things we want to know, if we pay attention and listen to them. I am really going to go out of my head with this one because I tend to want to analyze, analyze, analyze, and this dream is no exception to my situational neuroses. GADS!

The main thing, I suppose, is that we have a HEALTHY baby. I have said from the start of this pregnancy that I didn’t really care, so long as Baby Watts is HEALTHY! And, that is truly how I feel. But when I think of little girls I think of sweetness. And all those GIRL CLOTHES hanging in the closet? Fuggetaboudit! I am SO not prepared for a baby boy. Sure, I have a few clothes and things but really I don’t know that I am EMOTIONALLY prepared. I’ve seen those movies where they pee all over the place. I’ve heard parents comment on the messes they make in the bathroom, thinking it’s funny to decorate the wall when they’re learning to write their ABCs. I’ve smelled that salty, earthwormy smell of a sweaty little boy. EW. That is all I can say. EW.

You know what, though? Even if I AM craving sweets… Well, my hubby is a boy and he doesn’t even LIKE sweets. In fact, many guys I know care nothing for sweets. So why would I be craving sweets and having a boy? Hmmmm?

This dream has me wigging out. In an age of instant gratification, I fit right in: I want to know NOW what we’re having. I want to go in to our April appointment and have the OB tell me, “Mrs. Watts, you’re having a baby GIRL!” Of course, I know that is not going to happen. And really, I have been diligent about thanking God for this baby, no matter what, no matter what. Last time, I said I did not want a boy and look what happened. This time, I’m REALLY trying to practice an attitude of gratitude and look at it with a thankful heart because I really AM thankful and I really AM grateful for the awesome chance to be a mommy…no matter if it turns out to be a boy OR a girl.

Just to ready myself, I better put the brakes on buying stuff for Baby Watts for now. Heck, instead of eyelet-collared onesies and pink and white colors, I need to think about buying Peepee Teepees and blue and navy and gray.

All I can say is that it’s a good thing our nursery bedding and stroller combo are fit for either a boy or girl. I’d be having a ringtail fit right about now if I’d purchased a gender-specific big ticket item…

Xoxox
Liz

Easter Sunday

First of all, I owe EVERYBODY an apology! I have been mostly out of commission this week what with the fatigue and the nausea. I haven’t been there for my friends. I haven’t returned phone calls or email. I slept through a lunch date with a friend I haven’t seen since high school! I haven’t cooked a few nights and instead insisted on dining out! And above all, I haven’t even posted pictures of our very first ultrasound!

The last thing, the ultrasound, well, we don’t have a scanner so I have no way of scanning it into the computer to show everyone. But basically, just imagine a very distorted PEANUT and there you have it…our baby’s very first photo shoot! My OB gave us 5 pictures, and they all show varying positions of virtually the same thing—this curved, slightly cute, peanut-resembling embryo. Because our kid is at this time the size of a blueberry, the Doppler didn’t really pick up any of the details that I’d expected and hoped to see, but at least we KNOW that EVERYTHING IS IN PLACE, AND WHERE IT SHOULD BE! There is a BABY in there, in the right spot. It’s not in a tube and it’s not invisible…IT’s THERE! And it’s kind of surreal…

And yes, the most exciting thing is that we got to see the heart beating! It looked to me like a distant, flashing light, but yep, we saw it! Todd was so cute, too: he was so happy it looked like he was about to bust open his seams. We were both elated and just giddy with happiness after the appointment. To celebrate, we went to Chili’s for lunch and just bathed in the satisfaction and excitement of knowing that, in a good 8 months, our lives will never be the same again. Gone will be the days when we can just decide on the spur of the moment to go to Wal-Mart at 8 PM. If we want to do that, we’ll have to make allowances for Baby’s sleep schedule, his/her eating schedule, the weather. I’ve been reading that routine with a baby is of utmost importance, and it just makes sense. I didn’t have much routine or consistency as a child and to this day I’m still all over the place and spontaneous and ready to try anything. But I DO believe that a daily routine is best and most beneficial for babies and toddlers. Like I said…it just makes the best sense.

We went to church today and my cuz Amy gave me a few gifts from my Aunt Rose: This GREAT Baby & Toddler 411 Giftset, which I’ve had my nose stuck in ALL DAY! The set includes 2 books, one for each age range, and there are so many helpful tips in there. I could read information like that all day long. They’re very well-written, informational and fact-filled. I’m learning things I didn’t know and have never even considered, such as the potential health hazards of plastic bottles versus glass or the drop-in systems, for example. It also has a great deal of information on breastfeeding and talks in depth about the entire process of it and gives time lines and feeding guidelines for breast and formula-fed babies. Along with the books was a package of Preggie Pop Drops! I was so surprised AND so thrilled! These things WORK, I’m telling you, and since I can’t really get saltine crackers down the hatch (the consistency of them just does not work for me post gastric bypass surgery) the Preggie Pop Drops are purrrrrrfect. They taste just like a sour fruit candy but include ingredients to curb or take away the nausea, which has been heightened the last week or so. THANKS SO MUCH, AUNT ROSE!! You don’t know how much I appreciate your thoughtfulness.

Until next time, everybody take care!

xoxo

liz

Goofing off on Sunday

Today has been a lot of fun. We went to church with my cousin Amy and her husband and their son. It was refreshing, to say the least! Then we all went to eat at Chimi's. They had a meeting to go to and we went to Wal-Mart to get supplies for the week, bought gas and somethin' to drink and then came on home. I slept the whole way home, which is not unusual for me to do, sleep while Toddy drives! haha

I got the camera out and he took this pic of me.

I am almost 6-1/2 weeks pregnant today. We are soooo excited because this Wednesday we actually get to go for our first ultrasound to see the heartbeat and take a look at the little peanut! We can't wait! I'm thinking maybe there are 2 in there, but anyway... All I know is that after we go on Wednesday, I will feel a *lot* better about this whole thing. It will be real to me then, knowing everything is in the right place and where it still should be. I haven't had any problems or anything (other than the ICK feeling that I've had nonstop for about a week) but still...you go through something once so traumatic as losing a baby and you always think it could keep happening. So, I just say my Thank You's everyday to God and I know that He has a plan for us and for our family...

I have a ton of clothes I've been stockpiling for the last few years. Everything I've bought I've gotten on sale...I don't shop any other way! Here are a few of the pictures I took today, but trust me, there are a HUNDRED more where these came from!

Don't worry, I have BOY stuff, too, but my batteries died before I could take any more pictures! My friend Traci's baby is due in early May, so if we DO have a boy, she'll be inheriting many of these cute outfits or else I'll eBay them or save them as gifts for other friends who are expecting girls. BUT...I really think it's a GIRL. My friend Bobby says he is banking on a boy. We'll see. It doesn't really matter to us what we have, so long as he/she is healthy and has 10 fingers and 10 toes! We're just thrilled because I know I wondered if it was *EVER* going to be *our time* to have a baby!

Anyway, aren't these outfits just adorable? I have them already arranged in the closet by size. I have yet to arrange them by specific hanger colors, but I don't know that I'm THAT OCD about it yet. My best find so far? The $32.50 hooded zippy Reindeer sweater at the top, originally $32.50 that I got at Gymboree Online for $4.99. I have mittens and brown corduroy reindeer overalls to match, too! My next best find? A pink "puffer" jacket from The Children's Place that was originally $39.50 that I bought in one of their St. Louis outlet stores for $7.99!!! Yes, to me that is a STEAL! Heck, I can't go to Wal-Mart and buy a coat for my kid that cheap, you know?

Everything I've bought so far has been on sale and trust me when I say I have a ton of stuff. Newborn, 0-3, 3-6, 6-9, 6-12, 12-18, and 18-24 months....all lining the closet. I even have a few pair of shoes to match a few of the little outfits I've purchased. I'm still really looking for something special for the first birthday but will probably wait until he/she gets here and I get to know the personality of the baby...

On another note, I have been seriously nauseated for the last week, pretty steadily. Thank goodness for these Preggie Pop Drops I've discovered. I know they sell them online but I buy mine at the Motherhood Maternity store in Tulsa and we just got some more in Joplin this weekend. They're a lifesaver. If you've never had morning sickness, don't let the term fool you: It can come on at any time of day, and last for however long it wants to. These Preggie Pop Drops HELP, I'm telling you! They take away the ick feeling. Yesterday was a particularly baaaaad day with the ick feeling and I even stayed home while Todd went to a St. Patrick's Day party without me just because I felt so...gross... I didn't mind. I stayed on the couch and watched a movie in between dozing off and sips of ice cold water. I am trying to really ration my Pop Drops out and since yesterday was such a gross day, I had already had 4 by the time we got back home so I didn't want to eat any more of them so I just suffered with it. Never threw up; just the worst feeling of nausea in the world, just about. UGH! I have ginger tea in the cabinet for this very thing but I despise ginger's spicy twang so I couldn't bring myself to drink any of it....but I'm feeling ick again this evening so I think I'll go make a cup.

I hope everyone has a great week. Thanks for reading and thanks for all your support and encouragement! It means more to me than you know!

xoxox

liz

Tick Tock Goes the Clock

I think this ticker is adorable. I'm new to HTML (very new!) and this is the only place I know to put this thing. I wish I could put it at the very top of the blog, though, so everyone could see...


Many thanks to Jenny for turning me on to www.baby-gaga.com! Thanks again, J! :)

Month 2 Pictures and Testimony

Well, this is my second month. It’s my 6th or 7th week, actually, so I’m halfway through my second month, I guess. Here is a picture of me at this time. I have made it a goal of mine to get at least 1 picture of me each month to see how big/how fast my tummy grows and my body changes. Already, I have noticed the small pooch in my tummy area, and of course the boobs are bigger, but my face has also filled out a little also.

I asked Todd to take this picture this morning before I put on my overshirt, just to be able to see the definition of everything. Exciting, lemme tell ya. But seriously, I really want to keep a good record of my growth during this time, if nothing else but to look back on and how Baby Watts when he/she is old enough to understand…

Something I have really had a hankering for is a good ol’ glass of red wine, but I know I cannot (and would not) partake. I’m not THAT hard up for a drink of wine, but you know, it sure sounds good some evenings. Anyway, the Italians do it. But honey, I ain’t Italian. J Anyway, to fool myself, I put some good-for-me chocolate milk in a wine glass and sipped it ever-so-slowly this afternoon…

It was sooooooo good. Gosh, I kind of crave milk right now. I bought chocolate just because I was kind of getting tired of the regular. I think our bodies KNOW what we need when we're carrying a baby. It's just up to us to listen hard for what our bodies are trying to tell us...

On a different note, last night I gave my testimony at the monthly GBS support group meeting. I was so nervous, but afterward I felt exhilerated! I got up, did my thing, and actually gave a great speech! I tried to be animated without acting stupid, and I just went along with whatever…there was actually no planning involved on my part. In the background was a hideous picture of me at my heighest weight, just a few weeks prior to surgery…

Just so you know, I gag every time I look at this picture and it has nothing to do with the lovelies in the picture with me....it's me who does it, the fatty on the left, at almost 250 big ones! YUCK! I am thankful every day that I chose to change my health by having gastric bypass surgery.....But here I am, giving my testimony last night, and I am much more satisfied with my appearance now..

Yeah, my hips are a little big, but as my family says, we have birthin' hips! LOL. And yeah, I feel 150% better NOW than I have EVER felt before in my life. I'm healthy, happy, loved, and about to embark on loving my very own baby. What more could a lucky girl ask for?

xoxox
liz

Oh So Tired!!

Why must pregnancy require a woman to be so tired all the time?! I have truthfully had 3 naps today, even sleeping through church this morning after having gotten ready, getting pooped out and lying back down “just for a few minutes”, only to wake up at the same time church was starting!


Then on my way home from Claremore I became so sleepy I almost fell asleep while driving! I came home, put on my jammies and proceeded to power nap for about an hour.

THEN, right after dinner I had to take another nap! Todd said he would wake me in exactly 1 hour but there it was, two hours later, before I actually opened my eyes, alarmed that I’d slept so long!


I also feel that I “dump” more now that I am pregnant. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term as it relates to gastric bypass surgery, this means that, quite frankly, food passes through the system too quickly and the result is just a very tired, icky feeling. I seem to dump HARD now whenever I eat anything sweet or starchy, just like right after surgery. With time and increasingly pushing my sweet limits, my dumping tolerance has widened but it seems that for this pregnancy I’m right back to Square One, and I’m not necessarily saying that’s bad. I am, after all, trying to adjust my eating habits to include more fruits and veggies but I still have that darned sweet tooth that just can’t be cured by a yogurt or a fresh strawberry! Sometimes, I just need good ol’ plain CHOCOLATE! Todd and I both bought several boxes of Girl Scout cookies this year (hey, it’s “for a good cause”) and together we’ve managed to polish off a box of Samoas already. And a few times a week, I like to enjoy a refreshing orange slush. YUM! See, I can still eat these things but not without consequence. Gastric Bypass surgery, I suppose, will do that to you.

I also lost a pound yesterday. Don’t know how or why, but I did. OMG, I was incredibly nauseated yesterday after I got home from the bank and started working a bit. Luckily I had purchased some Preggy Pops the day before from the Motherhood store in Tulsa. I popped one of the sugar free sour fruit drops of candy and within 15 minutes my nausea was almost completely relieved. So, next time I’m in Tulsa again I’ll be purchasing more of these Preggy Pops. I think it’s pretty much an ingenious concoction and they really taste good, too. A little pricey, so I’m kind of chintzy with them (“hopefully just ONE will kill the nausea this time…”) but in all, I’m glad to have found something so early on that hopefully will cure the queasiness and ill-feelings that are just so unpleasant! These Preggy Pop drops did it for me yesterday, so I’m officially sold on them, at least until they stop working for me. When that happens, I do have some organic ginger tea, but I don’t like the taste of ginger unless we’re talking about a gingersnap, so we’ll see. Hopefully the Preggy Pops have got what it takes to cure what ails me. The Remedy!

Another problem I’m experiencing at this stage is crazywickednutso constipation. We’re talking, GET OUTTA DODGE crazy. We’re talking, IT AIN’T OVER TIL THE FAT LADY SINGS crazy. I take something morning and night to ease this but so far nothing, and I mean NOTHING has answered my prayers in this department. I won’t go into any more detail, but I don’t know if this is pregnancy-after-gastric-bypass related or not, or if this is what all preggo women experience at some point or another, but it’s out of hand, so if you have any clue as to what might work, please fill me in. Chances are that I’ve tried it but then again, try me. I am willing to try almost ANYTHING at this point to relieve the discomfort.

As far as bodily changes, there aren’t really any so far. The weight seems to have settled around my hips/thigh/buttocks area, though, so I’m a little heavier there than anyplace else. I wish I could get on my skates and skate it off, but I KNOW that extra padding here is NORMAL when you’re getting ready to spring forth another human being from your loins. I’m not used to the extra fleshiness or fullness in my thighs, so I admit it wigs me out a little, but I ALSO KNOW that it is important and beneficial. I have always had birthin’ hips (hey, it runs in my family, right Amy?) but now they are really…. BIRTHIN’ HIPS. Trust me on this. I take up my entire chair now rather than leaving 4 inches on each side of it. I just keep breathing and telling myself that it’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay!


It’s okay!!!

Nursery Bedding 101

As you can see, Baby Watts is set in the bedding department. This darling line includes many of my favorite colors and fortunately is fit for a boy or girl. I have some pails in blue, green and yellow and I can tie ribbon to them to accent for a boy or girl baby when the time comes, in order to give the room an overall feminine or masculine look and feel...

I started buying pieces of this bedding ensemble about a year ago. It's sage green, khaki, white and of course pale shades of yellow, blue and green. Just adorable, and it totally fits with my animal-loving personality....

Yes, I know this post has nothing to do with GBS but I wanted to share with you all anyway. I have the valances, diaper stacker, crib bumper, quilt, stroller blanket, wallpaper border, crib sheets, lamp shade and mobile all to match, with little animals all over them. The colors really aren't done any justice in these photos, but this is the one thing I am most proud of myself for buying...and like I said, I started buying this bedding almost a year ago. I'd buy a piece here and there, like every other payday or something like that. At first, I think Todd thought I was crazy. But now I bet he's glad I was thinking ahead!

Truth be told, I've been buying baby items for about 2 or 3 years total. I bought mostly girl items, but have recently started buying for a boy as well, because I really don't know which God is going to bless us with. Maybe twins?? Hahhahahahhahaaa. That would be a blast, but lots of duplicates and of course, duplicate work. Oh well. Whatever baby it is that God chooses for us, no matter what, it is Meant to Be....

I will not know what to do if Dr. Collins wants to test for Downs Syndrome. The test itself scares me and really, I don't want to spend the time between the test and getting the results back, worrying and wondering and waiting. I think we have decided just to go with it...and no matter what, it is our child to love and cherish and protect 4 ever. No matter what. We were talking about it tonight, and really, we have enough love in our hearts for a special child. I think as couples embark on the journey of starting their family, of course they hope and pray for a healthy baby. But realistically, a Downs baby can be just as healthy as a baby without Downs. As I said, we have lots of love to give this Little One, no matter what.

My friend Charlotte had to have this test done and she was worried sick the entire time while waiting for the results. She did tell me, if I remember correctly, that some doctors like to do the test on any woman over 30. Well, I'm 31 so that puts me in that category. But I do feel that I have the right to opt out of that testing. I don't know. I don't even know why I'm fretting about it now. I'll have to stop that, and stop stressing what minimal amount I'm stressing. Charlotte had to have an amniocentesis, which scares the living daylights out of me. A foot-long needle being pierced through my belly button simply does NOT sound like a fun way to spend an afternoon. No thank you.

Ugh. Now I feel worried, but mainly about the tests. I will just have to wait to see what my OB says on the 19th when we go for the ultrasound. Everyone please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

xoxo

liz

Travel System...Oh So Cute!

Well, here it is...the travel system we purchased this past weekend when we were in Kansas City shopping for baby. Todd picked it out, actually, and he did a great job if I do say so myself. The system I'd picked out? It would not have worked for a little boy. It was a vintage Mother Goose theme called "Once Upon A Time" and just darling, but I digress.

Todd took one look at the Mother Goose ensemble and rolled his eyes. He then spotted this cute setup featuring animals (imagine that!) in khaki and cream-colored fabric. With some pink or blue streamers it'll be set for a little prince or princess.

Right now it's in the box in the closet but I cannot wait to get it together and start using it in, oh, a good eight months or so! The best feature on this system is the natural "Z" handle on the infant seat. The next best thing is the singular handle on the back, useful for one-handed steering. Most moms, I've noticed, usually have the stroller but are holding baby, so we figured that this little feature would be very convenient when the occasion arises.

We also have one of those Baby Bjorn things so that you can move around the house or the stores with ease, and your hands are free while the device holds baby snugly against your body. I know THAT will come in handy and as Baby Watts grows and gets heavier. Some babies feel like sacks of potatoes and I can't imagine trying to lug a baby, a diaper bag AND get your business or cleaning done while toting a baby in your arms all day long. I can imagine it, I mean, but I just don't think my arms are strong enough to do all that! Tee hee hee.

I have a TON of clothes in the closet for this baby. No joke. I keep buying more all the time. We have both boys and girls items, but admittedly I've purchased mainly girl items. Truth be told, they're WAAAYYYY cuter than boys' stuff! However, we do have clothes for both sexes, and in sizes all the way up to 18 months so we'll be set at least for the first year or two, depending on the size of Baby Watts at any given time of year.

It's so hard for me to imagine that by this time next year I will have experienced yet again a huge life change. It excites me. In fact, I have so many emotions about it that I can't begin to list them all here. It's scary, sure, to think about being responsible for another life for the rest of their life. Scary, but also I'm soooo looking forward to the rewards.

So...here's to the dirty diapers. Here's to the little smiles. Here's to the messy house I expect to have at least for the first couple months, and here's to the First Birthday. And, I have to say it, here's to everything that comes before, during and after. I'm hanging on tight but holding on loosely, just like the song in my heart tells me to do...

Until next time,

Liz

Month 1 Sleep and Weight Gain

I’m not very far along and am already having a difficult time of sleeping. I can’t stay asleep for more than 3 or 4 hours, tops. I’ve been waking in the mornings at 3 and 4 o’clock, only having gone to bed the night before at midnight. It’s strange because my body, a year ago, could hang out in bed until noon if I let it. If I woke up early, I could just roll over and go back to sleep.

Now, however, I get BORED and my eyes won’t close once they fly open for the day. Well, that is, until it gets to be around 11 or 11: 30 in the morning. By then I’m usually due for a quick 1 or 2 hour cat nap. I doze on the couch or in bed but like clockwork, I awaken again full of energy. I do seem to tire easily, but seem to recover just as quickly.

I must say, however, that this routine I’ve got going has been very beneficial to my work. I find that if I need a nap and succumb to that need, then I wake up more productive and ready to get back to work. By cat napping, I’ve been able to vacuum, keep up with laundry, make meals, sweep the floor, do my bills, answer mail, care for the animals and basically just stay on top of things. I feel absolutely wonderful.

… But this is only Month 1. I am fully aware that as this pregnancy progresses, I will likely change my tune to a different song. I’m not, for example, looking forward to not being able to bend over, which is what my friend Traci is going through right at this moment. I’m not looking forward to not being able to rest unless I’m positioned just so. BUT… I’m thankful for this entire experience, that’s for sure. THAT, that is what I CAN say.

My weight is still freaking me out. Of course, I’m such a carb addict and seem to be getting next to no exercise other than the occasional trip to Wal-Mart and walking around there. I’m awaiting a few DVDs such as Living Room Yoga and the Dance It Off! Series, even though I need to dance nothing off. I simply want to remain fit and, so be it if I gain some weight. Within reason. My worst fear is gaining back to my original 250 pounds only to never see my size 8s or 10s ever again. If it happens, it happens, but I want to do all I can now (again, within reason) to prevent such a tragedy. And in my book? That would qualify as a tragedy.

Let me just stop here and say that I had 2 main reasons for having gastric bypass surgery: The first was mainly because I could not breathe. Literally, all the fat was pushing against my organs and I could not sleep lying flat. Everyday, I had headaches to some degree and was too stubborn to treat them symptomatically. The second main reason was because I wanted to be a good mother when the time came, and for a long time I’ve wanted nothing more than to be a mommy. But for me, and I know many out there might disagree with this sentiment, I did not feel that being fat contributed to me being a good mother. At a preconception appointment with my OB/GYN, he told me to lose the weight and then I might have a chance at conceiving. I tried everything: Weight Watchers. NutriSystem. The Atkins Diet. Starvation. The local fitness club. Praying. Honestly, nothing worked for me because I had such horribly weak willpower. Or, it would work for a month or 2 but then I’d fall off my healthy wagon and the pounds I’d dropped would come back with a vengence, only this time they brought friends. I was miserable. I felt and looked it, too. I looked like a swollen toad and felt like a big blob of fat. I wasn’t used to being that heavy and it was just all out of control.

So, as you can see, surgery changed my life for the better. I feel that I have conceived only because I lost the weight and I believe my doctor would concur. I am healthy now and can breathe and move easily and freely. I am finally satisfied when I look in the mirror and everyday I put my best foot forward to be the best person I can possibly be. That’s exactly the kind of mom I want to be: someone who’s positive. Someone who can actually get down in the floor and play with her children. And finally, I have the confidence that I can be exactly that kind of person, wife and mother.

Today, I weigh 149. This is the heaviest I have been since WLS, with my lowest weight so far at 139. I feel my best around 140 or 141, and now at 149 my pants are tightening and I’ve had to move to a size 12 britches. My bra size is increased also, and it increased practically overnight, from a 34B to a 36C. The husband’s thrilled, needless to say, but I am looking down at my chest in awe and frequently walk around the house and lift up my shirt and say, “Just look at my boobs!” and of course we laugh. Last night Todd said with pride,”… And they’re just gonna keep getting bigger!”

I don’t know if it’s normal to have this rapid of weight gain this early in a pregnancy, especially after gastric bypass surgery, but I’m just going with it. I’m meeting with the nutritionist from my surgeon’s office on Friday so we can talk about where to go from here and how to better my diet. I’ve been keeping a food log per Stephanie’s request for the last 3 days and am mortified by the amount and types of foods I’ve been eating. I know better than that hot brownie with vanilla ice cream on top! I know better than that stack of saltines I had between my 2 afternoon snacks yesterday! I know better than to take infrequent sips of Todd’s strawberry pop. And yet, I do it. WHY??
This is the thing I’m getting ready to explore. And as always, I will keep you posted.

Xoxo
liz

Greetings from Oklahoma

Hey ya'll!

Well, I'm about 5 weeks pregnant as of today and, to my dismay, there isn't really anything positive on the Internet regarding pregnancy after WLS. Sure, after much searching and looking, I've found thousands of message boards, forums, etc., but there simply aren't any SITES, you know, that give a step-by-step account of someone's experiences with pregnancy after this life-changing experience we losers call Gastric Bypass Surgery.

With this blog, I hope to change that.

I'm from a small town in Oklahoma and will be 2 years post-Roux En Y laparoscopic GBS in May 2008. I've lost a total of 101 pounds and feel and look amazing. In my first trimester, I'm starting to creep back up on the scale but with my husband's encouragement I'm trying to refrain from freaking out about it. After all, there is another life growing inside me and that requires about 300 extra calories each day, and since it's winter and I'm not exercising much, that's gonna equate to SOME weight gain, right? RIGHT.

Anyway, here I am. I got the idea to start this blog while in the shower this morning, which is where I do some of my best thinking. The thing is, I'm on MySpace, but I am growing tired of it and figured that not everybody wanted to read about how well this pregnancy is progressing. I figured I needed a very focused forum where I could concentrate the entire thing on the subject of PREGNANCY AFTER GASTRIC BYPASS SURGERY and rather than bore others to tears on MySpace I decided to come here as an alternative and so far, so good.

So...WELCOME! Sit back, relax and enjoy this little expression of my world. It's been a long time coming, this baby, and I feel very positive with it being our first and all. We're psyched and I want nothing more than to shout it from the rooftops about how happy I am at this awesome stage in my life. Instead, though, I guess I'll start here...but look for me soon on a rooftop near you!

xoxo

Liz